I know how messy I'm currently. I feel ugly and not appreciated, not having someone I could rely on and etcetera. I messed up, big time. Everything just seems to be changing drastically and I can't keep up with that. I feel so bad for hurting people that I love. And I can say that distance and term are causing me a lot of tense. The longer the distance between us, and the more we're into our relationship, I tend to give higher expectation to him and that is the reason why I screwed up just because things don't go the way I wanted to. To be honest, I want us to have some time apart to give us some time just to have things going back to normal. But I can't, I couldn't, I can't handle it. I'm just becoming more obsessed. And when I push myself in, its just like I'm letting myself dealing with this pain again and again. It just keep on and on and on. Hurting and Healing. Should I just let it fly? Should I just deal with it? Or should I just bare with distance for a while? I'm clueless.