Hold On Tight.

Maryam :D

try to make me frown,baby, because you actually can't. half past 18. do i really have a clear view on my future?
scream out loud

gone with the wind

December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
January 2012
August 2013
you're on your way

Tuesday, August 31, 2010 8:17 AM
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Step Inside, :)
Closing my store.
Done with mapping, lighting and rendering.

1 down, 4 to go :|
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4:38 AM
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Hello, hello, hello

Room for three.

I'm glad that we've finally reunited. I miss you, girl. Seriously. I'm really am sorry for everything. I wish we could be like we used to be. I almost gave up on that. All that I learnt is that once you have someone special, you shouldn't be taking them for granted. It wasn't easy for me to accept that some things will not be exactly on how it should be. Harder for me to accept this :

"We can’t waste too much time missing something or someone from the past. We accept that life’s never constant; things change and people grow apart. Yet we can’t stop thinking about how good it used to be; afraid that we’d never experience it again, afraid that we’ve already lived it and lost it."

You're the best I've ever had. Shame on me for everything that happened. Shame, shame on me.

Holidays are about to arrive, finally! hehe but I have a lot of assignments lining up to be finished. I wish they could just vanish.
I'm dancing and delaying them. How that sounds huh? :p

No no good.

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010 12:33 PM
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Reasons why I'm up all night

My sleeping schedule is topsy turvy,
Sleeping at night isn't necessary anymore
Slept during the day, being rational during night
Been doing tutorials from Psdtuts+,
Spread some colours on the drawing I took from the tutorial

This is new to me. Proves how lame I am when everybody already had done this since forever.

I've decided to draw and colour myself

Eva Marie on Yahoo! Messenger Doodle.

Eva Marie on Photoshop.
With the background I've created out of boredom.

Look how sad I am. Sad, really?

Okay the thing is I'm a little bit overjoyed.
Somebody might like it, somebody might just hate it at their first glance.
But this is me, showing off :) Hahaha ;p
It is rare to see me publishing my artwork just because I'm not very confident in what I'm doing and thats bad, man.
I'm having some issues in me that I seem to carry on and on, feeling like I'm lack of something.
What is the right term for this? aaaaaaaa...
Go figure!

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Saturday, August 14, 2010 4:29 AM
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Glitch In My System
My Jay Sean Addiction

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Friday, August 13, 2010 5:22 AM
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I can be your symphony,
A little gay side of me :)

"Beautiful girls have nothing on men" - B.O.B ft Bruno Mars

but I'm sure they have something on girls. :D

Jessica Lowndes, as Adrianna Tate Duncan (90210)

Kaya Scodelario , as Effy Stonem (Skins)

Selena Gomez xD, as the way she is.

Leighton Meester , as Blair Waldrof (Gossip Girl)
yup she's in my list. Although I
kinda prefer Blake Lively more.

Lucy Hale, as Aria Montgomery (Pretty Little Liars) and Ian Harding * tee hee :D

Sophia Bush, as Brooke Davis (One Tree Hill)

Do you know what they have in common? They are all brunette ;p

I love their role play,although they are just fictional characters :)

Admiring, nothing more. Ahem :D

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010 6:38 AM
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Visit Me, Soul Sister.

I just don't usually do this. But I like this entry so much until I've decided to share it with you :D

The Guys Girls Don't Want To Date With

by Faradiba Anuar, my all- time-favourite writer :)

Being single gives you so much credits and access or some sort of passes to a lot of opportunities on choosing the best and deciding for yourself whats good and whats not. It also opens up for people to get to know you closer without having to worry on anyone who might get themselves really pissed that their other half is being approached or somewhat. It is about experimenting life and meeting up more candidates that will finally, insyaAllah, give you a fruitful result. Hehe. Being single also gives you the right to set up your own planning ahead, and give you some space to decide and think of what kind of quality u really seeks in for a partner. A serious one for yourself in future. You can list down as many as you want. No one’s gonna stop you.

my all-time-favorite Good Guy i would definitely want to date with.-FD

I once read somewhere on the internet, I’m not sure on whoever’s blog or any article posted online but yeah I kinda read through how the writer wrote on something that sounds like “the type of girl guys don’t like”. So today while I was having my shower earlier this morning, I got this sudden idea rushed through my mind to write on something similar to it, except that this time it is from the girl-point-of-view’s version. I’m gonna make some twist here. I’m gonna write on what kind of guy that really turns girls off, (or at least guys that turns ME off), in order to guide all the guys out there, I hope, to not be like those I’m about to list down here later. These can also be considered as the list of the guy I will not date.
(or most of girl will not, too)

1. Guys who brags a little too much.
Ahem, my number one NO-NO criteria in the list of rejection. I have been dating few times and I experienced knowing guys with this attitude, chronic ones. You see, braggers are not cool and turn us girls off simply because they sometimes speak a little too much but do not perform like what they said. Braggers are also narcissist. They always want to talk about themselves instead of listening to the good side of the girl. Braggers are sickening because they always think they are right, because they have a very high confident towards themselves that ditches all other people’s opinion and comments. Guys who have this attitude will not survive for a long term relationship because they make girls puke by the end of the time where their girls find its nauseous to date one man who always think he’s too hot and too good and etc etc…

2. Guys who smokes too much.
First of all I would not date smokers because I’ve got a serious Asmethic problem where smokes could kill me fast. So unless the smoker can stop voluntarily if he were to date seriously with me, I’d give the arrogant face saying NO NO to him because it is not just me who ant stand smokers, we the whole family cant cope with these people too. Abah personally smoked before he got married to mama, and after getting married he decided to quit because of his self awareness that mama was also a serious Asmethic patient. So there you go.. If abah can stop because he loves mama and don’t wanna bring harm to the rest of the family members, why not the rest of you out there? I mean, I think most girls and not just me actually don’t really favor having their partner smoking all the time.. its killing us softly, u know?

3. Guys who calls everyone sayang.
THIS is one major factor that always turns me off. Always? Yes, because I’ve made friends with a lot of new-guy-friend and most of the time I find it really disgusting when they can simply assign everyone they have just got to know with names that is supposed to be used only for special ones such as Sayang, Baby, Love yadayadayada. Girls, they loved to feel special and to be made special in one’s life. Calling them with names like that, and then flirting a little bit too much, and later calls everyone else with the same name, is totally unacceptable. If I were to date any guy in future, I do not want the type that calls other girl with the same name he’d assign me with. Say he calls me sweetheart, then don’t go around and assign others with the same name too. Its stupid. There have to be differences between the special girlfriend and the normal hanging out friends. If theres no differences at all, and theres no gap or boundaries, then whats the different of having a girlfriend and not?

4. Control freaaaakkkss..
Bad. This is really bad. Guys who’d call every few hours asking who are you with and where you at, what time does your class finishes and could you please return back my call as soon as class disperses. Those kinda commands………. Boring.
Girls can sometimes feel annoyed too by controlling boyfriends like this. We normally heard cases that highlighted on girls being queen control, and ‘sealed’ their boyfriend from moving freely. Now this time let me reveal that actually girls sometimes hated being ‘taped’ and locked up too. I am outgoing and always on the move. I always have activities with friends and family. If I were to have a boyfriend, I’d definitely hope for guy who’ll not spent his phone credits or pay his bills 100% on calling me to check me up all the time.
Give me some space. I’m already the girlfriend, I’ll behave, I don’t have to be informed about that.

5. Guys who complains about money ALLTHETIME.
In my life, I never like any form of conversation that discusses on monetary issues, especially in a relationship. I do not like to argue about financial status and I do not like to be asked about my expenses and my flow of money or such. I grow up independent having my own back up businesses each year and I know how to deal with my own money, well. Eventhough I am just like other normal girls, I love shopping sometimes and I would also buy things that I really want at times, but I will always ensure that I do not cross the line. I do not depend solely on parents and boyfriend. So having a boyfriend who’d whine and complains about expenses, bills and increase of fuel price will certainly turns me off. Another no-no.

I don’t like to be situated in the position where I feel like it is burdening to have me in his life as he keeps on complaining on the expenses each time going out dating or having vacations or such. A gentleman would never complain, they’d ask for a discussion, sit and talk and slowly penetrate into the conversation and explain on the problem wisely. That kind of guy who knows how to tell bad situation in a good way, is totally hot.

6. Bookworms who totally date with just book.
Once upon a time before, I thought bookworms are hot. They have their own fantasy world they live in that they spend with bookssss readingssss and yeah, books again and blablabla. I used to think these guys who loves reading are sexy because they reads, and they have a lot of knowledge through it of course. But when it comes to super-freak-bookworms, argh. Off the lights. Me got turned-off. Don’t go to date bringing books and don’t just talk about the lates best sellers when you are in a relationship with a girl. The girl will definitely feel awful because the book is much more attractive to her boyfriend rather than her standing or sitting in front of you.

One way to twist ur addiction on reading and make it not boring for the girlfriend of yours; share what you read with her. Talk to her about it and let her read it too, maybe. Relationship is always about sharing. So if I were to have a boyfriend one day, even if he is the ultimate bookworm in the universe, I’d be okay if he offers me to read together instead of covering his face with Paulo Coelho’s recent best sellers when we’re having our lunch together.

7. Guys who thinks cheating is sexy.
Kepala hantu dia. Sorry for the word. But im really turned off with this kind of guys. I’ve got a lot of friends who talked to me when their girlfriend caught them red-handed. You know, the same old stories. And I really, really feel like slapping each of them whenever I asked them why do they cheat, and they’ll answer that they think its sexy and NORMAL. You crazy? It’s a relationship of two parties we’re talking about here! If you want more than just three then you should’ve considered yourself a swinger who swings and should never declare a one-on-one relationship at 1st place.

8. Guys who haven’t get over their past.
Blergh, these are the losers. You know, they would always bring you somewhere and then in the middle of the dinner they’d come out with things like; “oh my ex loves to have this after main course!” “Ah, I know that place! Been there with my ex before!” and so on.
How sickening is that? Moving on means letting one self free from the memories of the passed. I don’t want to hear things like; my ex dulu suka macam ni suka mcam tu kitorang selalu macam ni macamtu. Nak mati ke. Are you dating me or dating your ex sekarang.?
Sakit hati wey. So yes if I were to date a new guy tolonglah harap orang tu betul betul have get over his exes.

9. Guys who doesn’t have a good bond with his family.
I treasured family relationship so much. I love family gatherings and most of the time I am the organizer for my huge family events. You’d know that if you are my hardcore blogreader. Wrote a lot about those events I planned and organized. If I were to date anyone anytime soon, the person must come from a family that values relationship between siblings, mother-son, father-son and so on. I don’t like those type that refuse to answer when I ask about their family. I mean, its your family, kenapa tak boleh cerita? Orang lagi seronok nak cerita pasal family ni tau. I also don’t like those that have boring families who sometimes doesn’t even communicate in a year and only meet up with each other during Hari Raya or kematian sape sape in the family. Kalau macamni la.. Haih.. Boring nya. Tak boleh la bawak pergi my family Annual BBQ Gathering. (=_=”)

10. Hot-tempered guys.
Those who settles problems by smacking doors and throwing things, and those who find screaming as the best way to ‘express’ their anger. Gila ke apa. Nanti kalau kahwin, buat macamtu dekat anak anak? Hish.. definitely fail to be a good father. I am also scared of guys who abuse girls tarik rambut tumbuk tampar terajang segala. Alhamdulillah I haven’t experience being friends to any. But I have really close friend who used to have the abusive boyfriend she had to lodge a police report one day when it got too much..
I don’t want myself to be in that situation. I hate coercion, force of power, threats and blackmails. Love and healthy relationship should never have these elements of violence. Silap silap kalau ada anak nanti dia terajang je budak tu bila menangis.

11. Guys who ponteng Solat Jumaat.
I don’t like them simply because I love Friday, its penghulu segala hari and also kat Kedah cuti. Even if in KL or other places tak cuti pun, all organizations in our country nowadays memang provide waktu rehat yang extended on every Friday for the muslims to go for Solat Jumaat. Kedai kedai perniagaan pulak diharuskan tutup untuk menghormati Solat Jumaat. So kenapa tak mahu pergi jugak? Kan kalau ponteng solat jumaat sengaja selama tiga kali berturut, kira berdosa besar, kan?
I am not that good in agama also, but since I know I am not good la, I need a man who’s not teruk also, because if I were to have a special boyfriend of course he’ll have to guide me and change all the bad to the good ones. Right?

12. Perverts.
I don’t want to be girlfriend to perverts because I don’t want tio have a dirty minded boyfriend. Being naughty once in a while is okay, but not too often la. Kalau all the time nak cakap nasty nasty ni.. adeh.. Penat la nak layan. Sometimes feel uncomfortable also. Of course we want to date the person we’re most comfortable with but if I were to have a perv boyfie, memang tak lama la.. I’d feel insecure knowing that this guy I’m dating with are actually one who thinks about dirty things all the time. Then nak pakai sexy sikit pun susah nanti, sebab he’ll start imagining things. Dah la all my shirts are wide-necked, low-cut, off-shouldered. Haha. Pakai tudung la macamni. Tengok mash bernafsu lagi ke tak perverts ni. Aaa.
One more reason why I think I cant have a perv as a boyfie is because I hate it when I walked holding hands with my boyfriend, and then a smexy girl walked passed us by, then this boyfriend pergi pandang macam nak makan punya. Sampai 360 degree pusing kepala mata pandang atas bawah. Padahal tangan genggam aku tu. Hadoi. Malu okay ada bf macamni.. girlfriend kat sebelah, boyfriend mata and imagination melayang. Please la. Tak nak.

13. Guys who have the lazybum syndrome and those who aren't productive.
Guys in this category will automatically fills in the list of calon bapa bapa boroi menjelang usia 40an. I dont want to go for dinner where I siapkan myself in the most beautiful and pleasant looking way but my husband walks next to me with a 4month preggar-belly. Sorry. Even abah does not have this syndrome, well probably because he keeps himself fit as his job requires him to do so. I love seeing mama and abah as a perfect match each time they dressed themselves up matchy patchy for formal events and important ceremonies. They looked so compatible and suits one another really well. Cause mama have this small figure and she's not fat definitely, and she always look awesome in Kurung Modern, while abah stands tall and handsome, sleek and smart in his unifrom and badges next to mama. GREAAATTT couple they both are.

I only wanna date guys who are NOT lazy bum who lie on the bed watching dvds or even worst pornography all the time instead of going out doing something and get himself productive. I cant stand having a boyfriend who live, eat, read, drink, on his bed ONLY. Pemalas. Tak suka.

Rasa macam dah banyak sangat pulak. Maybe I got carried away this time. Maybe because theres too much I’ve had to go through before that this time the list gets longer. Haha no wonder u don’t have any companion Diba. Look at those you wrote up there. But hey, of course I wrote all that because I know theres something good about me that makes me deserves NOT to date any one of those kind of guys I’ve mentioned before. I know I am not perfect myself. I’ve got so much flaws in me. Physically and mentally. Nobody is born perfect. But hyeah, listing out is not a crime, as the reason why we did so is to ensure we ourselves find the right one for the right time finally. Nobody wants to fail again and again, right?

So that’s it for my list this time. If I think theres more that I need to top up on, maybe I’ll just have a sequel to this entry later. Nahaha. Btw, im not picky, and I don’t think I’m sooo good I can demand what kind of guy I want and I don’t. I just don’t want to waste any more time getting into wrong relationships, fails and break up again, and meet new people, try, fail, and break up again and I don’t want to be in the same rotation in my life ever again. So yeah. May the best wins.

I don't think I have to elaborate more. Except for the fact that my definition of good guy is just not Edward Cullen, sorry :)

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010 3:43 AM
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Just Call Me A Fan, Dear Celebrity.
Compilations :)

Took some "me-time" and recovers :)

I miss you, really.


Almost gave up on love.


Older post. Histories. I can't sleep.

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